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A Voice in the Dark

In AD 2101 war was beginning. What happen? Someone set up us the bomb! We get signal. What? Main screen turn on. It's you. How are you gentlemen!! All your base are belong to us!! You are on the way to destruction. What you say? You have no chance to survive. Make your time. HA HA HA HA.... Take off every 'Zig' You know what you doing! Move 'Zig' For great justice.

Monday, July 04, 2005

The Humor of September 11th

On September 11 of 2000, I started a web site called Crap Comix where I published stupid badly-drawn comic strips about skateboarding. While I was doing the big anniversary blowout on September 11 of 2001, I started a big series of comics about how Johnson Package the private investigator -- acting on information acquired from Bill Gates -- had to travel to Croydon West in Coventry to rescue a gay monkey in a basket from the tower of infinite sorrow.

I'll pause a moment while the sheer horror passes, for those who aren't familiar with my sense of humor.

So anyway, I decided it would be really funny if the tower of infinite sorrow was the World Trade Center, and off I went to find pictures of the WTC. The plan was to have a storyline where Johnson Package had to find the monkey in a crowd of evil stockbrokers who believed gay monkeys could predict the future of commodities markets, and in the process things would go horribly wrong and the World Trade Center would get blown up. I thought this would be funny.

Imagine my surprise to find that someone was at this very moment occupied in blowing up the WTC. At the top of my search results, I found CNN reporting that a plane had crashed into the WTC, and I ran out to turn on the television just in time to see the second plane appear and watch it crash into the other tower.

Well, I thought, this plotline is probably not going to be funny for a good long while. Some people may think four years still isn't long enough, but I think it's at least grimly ironic that when terrorists started crashing planes into the WTC, I was at that very moment planning to blow it up myself. I think in another five or six years, I'll be able to say that at parties, but for the moment I think it's prudent to only say it online where people can't punch me. Well, not without being really serious about it, anyway.

In any case, that pretty much killed Crap Comix. I've been thinking, however, that it's long past time for me to get back on this particular horse and do another web comic. I'm going to call it "Crap Comix: The Next Generation". We'll call today its inception date, so it doesn't have to celebrate September 11th, which is just NEVER going to be politically correct. And here's my basic concept.

Justin Guarini, the singer who lost to Kelly Clarkson on the last episode of American Idol's first season, has finally figured out that he isn't going to be a singing superstar. So as a backup plan, he started supporting himself as a pro skateboarder, and finally saved up enough money to go back to college. Since he's not exactly rich, he needed to get a couple roommates to help cover expenses, and now he's living with Cthulhu and an infinite number of monkeys. In the typical crazy-roommate fashion, Justin must frequently thwart the efforts of Cthulhu to take over the world, and assist the monkeys in cleaning up their latest well-intentioned mess... all while doing his homework and skating professionally and trying to choose a major.

See, the comic should also be educational and inspiring, like "Full House"; after all, the Olsen twins are kind of like monkeys, and Bob Saget is kind of like Justin Guarini, and I think Candace Cameron was really Cthulhu in disguise. Which is what drove Kirk Cameron insane.

I'd invite comments, but nobody reads this blog yet, and we all know how gay and stupid it is to comment on the archives.


  • At 6:57 PM, Anonymous The Pouncer said…

    Hey Cal -

    Nice place you've got here. I really like what you've done with the lichen. Generally I put blogging right up there with screaming yourself horse in a gale-force wind, but then, there are people who enjoy a nail through the old scrot' from time to time, so it's all good.

    If you're going to start up Crap Comix again, I'm afraid I'm going to have to insist on a GMIB guest appearance. Perhaps even as a plant in the monkey heirarchy, secretly leading them all from behind his hidden identity.

    Yours in the Great Bytestream,


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